Tax My Cat? Tax That!
Politicians love taxes like my cat loves cream. We just got another notice from the mayor’s minions about my cat, Kato. She’s a winsome black and white alley cat who could pass for an miscolored Siamese on a moonless night.
But the mayor is worried about her - he’s afraid she might be afflicted with rabies - so he tells us in municipal form 253M. Therefore, says the animal lover who presides over our city, she needs a rabies shot. And she needs to be licensed. Please send me 25 bucks, he concludes. Is this not a violation of the feline privacy act? We cat advocates need to roar, not meow, over this. Cats are proud and private creatures. Kato would be humiliated to know that somewhere in a city hall drawer, she’s listed like a dumb telephone pole. I won’t tell her, but I will tell her that when PETA’s plans mature and felines get enfranchised, she should vote for whoever’s opposing the mayor.
I say that if he demands that Kato, now a pawn of the state, be inoculated, why not protect us taxpaying humans from the 300 sneaky, non-taxpaying squirrels in my backyard? They bite about as often as cats. How could an astute politician overlook the fact that 300 times 25 bucks is about ten minutes of TV time describing his virtues and there’s more squirrels around town than cats. Besides, there’s a cat lobby of cat-owners like me, but no squirrel lobby. Even PETA has no plans for giving the vote to the rodents who pillage your pecan tree.
Instead of a cat tax I’d prefer a good ol’ confiscatory state income tax increase. It beats this hypocritical fantasy over rabid cats. A rabid cat is a rarity commensurate with a truthful politician. And they only bite (and lightly, lovingly at that) when they're making more cats; an activity as yet, untaxed.
It’s the duplicity I hate. I mean, if you need $25 that badly, hide a police car in those big bushes where Speedway Avenue intersects with Hot Rod Blvd. It’s a district the mayor NEVER carries, anyhow.
Tax my cat? It’s more reasonable to tax my three apple trees and subject them to an annual mandatory spray. Cats don’t bite humans, but apple trees spread the contagious Alberta Blight with every malicious wind that flutters their leaves. There won’t be an unblighted apple in town. And consider how many naive, innocent kids will sicken on diseased apples. Now, there’s a wise cause for the mayor! Apple trees NEVER vote.
Comments (16)
Ammonium
The people who are really making out like bandits are the vets. Most people have no reason to bring their cats into the vet each year. This is a great way for vets to get about $50-100 a cat.
My town recently enacted a law like this for all cats. I wasn't really worried about it because my cats are indoor cats. Then I got two letters from the Government telling me to get my cats vaccinated and registered. The Government even knew their names. How did they get this information? Our vet must have snitched.
The supporters or these laws say they are doing this for the good of the cats. But vaccinations are dangerous for cats. Why put them through that risk, as well as the torture of being driven to the vet, for a useless shot?
Anyway, we "gave away the cats". My wife is now worried that the Government will see the cats in the window and break down our door.
Published: January 25, 2007 10:48 PM
P.M.Lawrence
You shouldn't generalise so much about cats, they are too individual. At least some cats do bite humans; I have myself been bitten, quite hard enough to be painful although obviously the cat was pulling its punches enough not to draw blood. I had to endure it rather than pull away and either aggravate or injure the cat.
Published: January 25, 2007 11:25 PM
ted roberts
Ammonium, Yes, it enriches the vets. thats all. Don't worry about your cats that "you gave away". They'll never track them down. I never registered ours. ted
PM, My cat would never bite you. She'd run away and that won't afflict you with rabies. ted
Published: January 26, 2007 9:48 AM
K. Chris Caldwell
Same nonsense and then some in Chicago.
I was once playing too rough with my cat and she got me good on the hand.
The ER called the cops, who then took my personal info and then the city--two weeks later mind you--sent me a letter. The letter stated that I needed to quarantine my cat and several other nearly impossible tasks or have her put down.
I ignored this nonsense, so they sent me a bill for $300. When I did not pay this they sent me to collections, but since their Gestapo thugs misspelled my name, it was all for not.
But of course this was all for my safety. Right!!!
I am now very careful with what I tell authorities, because If I had told them that it was a stray, I would have had no problems. I hope at least.
Published: January 27, 2007 10:54 PM
ted roberts
Chris, that is a fantastic story. It wins the championship cup for state intrusion in our lives. For the sake of a bucks, they'll even try to manage the relationship between us and our pets. Where there's a dollar to be made - there, you'll find the state. thanks for your comment. ted
Published: January 28, 2007 10:46 AM
Clark
Cats? They tax the rain in Iowa, cats is nothing. The current issue, supposedly on hold in the courts evnthough they still collect photos and threaten to retroactively send out tickets, is taxing of redlight runners and speeders - using extortion if they dont pay up - threatening to send their names to Dept of Transportation and their insurance carriers. It is headed to the Iowa Supreme Court now, but who is kidding who about the final outcome. Some say there needs to be a picture of the driver, not just the car (only certain owners get the ticket, not fleet owners I'll bet). Twins and cousins who look alike dont deserve equal treatment, skip them. The whole issue of using all kinds of cameras everywhere with nothing to restrain thier spread, and without a warrant, seems illegal to me. The whole issue of placing these cameras everywhere and turning the city into an outdoor prison is just wrong, I would say unAmerican, but what does that even mean? Many of the statist in Iowa act like a person can be an American and a Marxist, yet I fail to see how. I see photos of NYC with watch-tower camera stations being built and I cant help but think that city is an outdoor prison city and when will that get here? It seems like the other side won The Cold War. The States and the Fed cannot continue to fund the prison system, so this idea of outdoor prison cities is not so far fetched and I am sure it works well in other countries, it is just that I thought this country was different.
Published: January 30, 2007 8:36 AM
Clark
They really do tax the rain in Iowa. On my sewer bill from the city I pay a Clean Water Program Fee, it is only about five bucks, and that word, "only" is the reason there is not much outcry over the tax. I believe it is based on the square footage of your property which determines the amount of rain runoff. A priavte company is trying to market and sell rain barrels to catch rain from gutters on homes. While this is not a manditory purchase right now, I can see it easily becommig law as it is touted as being a popular green issue. To me, it is a $5 increase in rent, along with the new increase in trash removal, for automated pickup and a new special trash can that now requires one less trash guy. Wonder what those guys get retrained in?
Published: January 30, 2007 8:49 AM
ted roberts
Clark, I hate the idea of cameras on traffic lights. Especially those that stay red for a week or so. I often get up at 2:00 AM and run the 3 or 4 in our neighborhood - a joy I'll miss if they install those darn cameras. And if they tax rain in your state, sunlight can not be far behind, Why do the voters put up with this? Are they all nuts? ted
Published: January 30, 2007 10:14 AM
Clark
The previous city council voted for the tax on rain. The majority of the new city council ran on platforms of removing the rain tax, I think. There has been no motion to do anything about the rain tax to date. Why? Ha, 'cause the government always gets elected. Im not so much against the redlight cameras as I am about all the other cameras everywhere at most intersections and who knows where else. It is just creepy walking around knowing your being watched AND scrutinized, as if guilty even if proven innocent.
Published: January 30, 2007 11:07 AM
Sam
Rain? Tax? What was that thing about everything being privatised as to avoid the 'tragedy of commons'. Presumably if a private person owned the air above your home you'd have to pay him a fee too if it rained I guess.
Published: January 30, 2007 2:40 PM
Kevin B.
Sam,
"Presumably if a private person owned the air above your home you'd have to pay him a fee too if it rained I guess."
If you don't want to pay then tell him that you don't want his services. It's up to him to stop his air from raining on your property.
Published: January 30, 2007 3:14 PM
Clark
Ha - The government already owns everything under the sun! Ever hear of a smog tax? And if I decide to fly through that air I have to pay taxes for that air as well as get permission slips to do so. Walmart would provide cleaner air for the cost.
Published: January 31, 2007 7:09 AM
Person
I will not pay tax for the sale
I will not pay tax for the tail
I will not pay tax with a note
I will not pay tax on fur coat
But you must pay taxes for the cat
You must pay tax for this and that
You must pay tax for all its paws
You must pay taxes -- read this clause!
If you don't pay tax, we'll seize the house
And then good luck, for catching mouse!
We'll seize the fur, we have a lien!
But please just pay, for we're not mean!
Published: January 31, 2007 9:39 AM
ted roberts
Person, (or should I call you doctor Seuss.) They'll tax your house, they'll tax your mouse, your bank account they'll quickly douse. I liked your poem except for the last line. I'm afraid they ARE mean. ted
Published: January 31, 2007 10:28 AM
J.T. Slaughter
Learn how to deal with municipal, county, state and federalo leeches from Mary-Elizabeth:Croft at http://www.mayanmajix.com/croft.pdf.
Published: February 1, 2007 10:19 AM
Reb
This is what we get for allowing the govicorp to grow outside of constitutional constraints,its ridiculous.and make no mistake many of the big so called animal rights groups are up to their eyeballs in this type of thing,you think cat taxes are bad,folks they are even now implimenting a plan to tax all animals,cows,horses, goats, pigs, chickens,turkeys,all animals this is a USDA plan born in the corporate world offices of a group in Bowling Green Ky called the NIAA or National Institute for animal Agriculture,their members are folks like Monsanto and the RFID chip ans tag makers ,they have exemptions in place for big factory farms that poison the air and water but none for small holders,they even plan to apply this to plants in certain states,you like to eat please help us to stop USDA/corporate govt from wiping out all small animal owners with this NAIS or National Animal ID System check out www.nonais.org for starters to see what is happening,it ain't just cats,folks. thanks!
Published: February 1, 2007 10:22 AM