It’s true that patents, in any form, are simply a form of government granted monopoly. Yet some patents are special…not only do they take up taxpayer resources in an attempt to corner the market for their product, in fact, there is no market for their product. They just take up resources
Click here to see an extensive array of absurd patents
Earthquake House
US Patent Issued In 1995
Big earthquakes can shake a house apart, possibly causing serious injury to it’s occupants. But our forward thinking inventor has a solution, the roll-with-the-punches Earthquake House! His idea is simple, build a round house that has earthquake sensors built into it. If the Richter sensors signal the big one (earthquake that is), the house is automatically released from it’s tether lines, it’s anchors and it’s utility lines, allowing it to freely roll wherever the shakin’ sends it. It’s like Mother Nature’s giant bowling ball. Don’t worry, the big biosphere has a self righting inner living structure so you always remain upright, even if you’re uptight about your house rolling through the neighborhood. We don’t recommend this for a hillside home and we have concerns about your house rolling over your neighbors house or maybe even your neighbors, because there aren’t any brakes to stop it!
P.S. For more absurd patents, don’t forget to visit the Patently Absurd Inventions Archive…click here!
All Patents Are Real And On File.
Copyright 1997-2008 T. VanCleave
Bulletproof Desk
US Patent Issued In 2001
Let’s say you are a student at school and an idiot with a gun enters the room. Unfortunately, this happens randomly and is very hard to prevent. So our inventor devised a personal protection device, the Bulletproof Desk. The desk features a clear, bulletproof top that can easily be removed and then using it’s handles, it can be held up as a protective shield. The absurd part of this invention isn’t in it’s design, it’s that the inventor had to think of a way to protect our students from idiots with guns.
P.S. For more absurd patents, don’t forget to visit the
Patently Absurd Inventions Archive…click here!
All Patents Are Real And On File.
Copyright 1997-2006 T. VanCleave
Tree Tugger
US Patent Issued In 1997
A good golf swing can benefit from strong, upper body golf muscles. And what better way to build those G-muscles than by crawling into a big circular, padded yoke kinda thing and strapping it to a tree with a giant bungee cord?
Once you are strapped in, you need only to twist your torso left and right and the resistance building bungee cord will do the rest. As a bonus, the inventor suggests the tree hugger will also improve your game by teaching you proper swing position. Once you get in this thing, we hope you can get out and remember… lightning likes trees so use on sunny days only.
P.S. For more absurd patents, don’t forget to visit the Patently Absurd Inventions Archive…click here!
All Patents Are Real And On File.
Copyright 1997-2005 T. VanCleave
{ 12 comments }
Good thing that Mr. VanCleave copyrighted his list of absurd patents. Now we need a list of absurd copyrights.
Mr. Tucker, isn’t that a little redundant?
These patents are “special” alright.
And what about these ones, homesteading of the moon?
http://www.expatworld.org/moon.htm
http://io9.com/5108129/moons-future-lies-in-frontier-homesteading-not-collective-ownership
Should all land ownership be abolished based on these extremes?
From io9:
Given the most dangerous (from human threats, at least) frontier settlements were far safer than our suburbs today, I certainly hope the moon emulates the wild West.
That’s one heck of a bald assertion there. What do you base it on?
http://mises.org/daily/4108
Specifically I mean passages like these:
Now, how many homicides are reported on average every year in your area? I’m willing to bet it’s more than 1.5.
I guess your knowledge of “Wild” West history you learned from Hollywood was a less than proper picture of how the Old West was really like.
My favorite absurd patent: the orange trash bag designed to look like a jack-o-lantern. Rather than filling up a boring old black trash bag with your autumn leaves, you fill up the patented bag and it ends up serving as a decoration.
It is my favorite because it best illustrates the absurdity of the legal regime promoting patents. Bot the Patent & Trademark Office and its Board of Appeals rejected the proposed patent as “obvious,” but the Federal Circuit Court of Appeals reversed, and thereby enjoined any other person in the United States from producing an orange back with a jack-of-lantern face for the next twenty years.
Here is a copy of the opinion: http://ftp.resource.org/courts.gov/c/F3/175/175.F3d.994.98-1498.html
A good golf swing is more than just a strong upper body, it takes timing, tempo, great technique and excellent balance to swing like a pro. Sure stronger muscles will help but they need to work as a whole, golf is the sum of the individual parts. Most of the long hitters in golf tend to be tall and well set ie averaging around 6ft tall and weighing around 14 stone, this is not a blue print for hitting long but its a starting point into realising your true potential.
Developing a golf swing does require some strength but it is not the be all and end all. There are many aspects to a good golf swing that take time to correct and adjust and that require as much touch and finesse as the you require strength. A lot of your power is generated by your hip rotation as well and that is where timing becomes impeccable.
Upper body strength can help a golf swing, it is “speed” muscles, not strength that will give you more distance. The device pictured above might help, but really only if it is used for isometric exercises. Beside clubhead speed, there are also 2 other critical factors in hitting a drive as long as possible. You can play excellent golf without hitting it a long way off the tee, but hitting it long can also take a lot of pressure off the other parts of your game and help you play your best golf. Here is a link to the 3 critical factors affecting long drives:
how to hit a 300 yard drive
Comments on this entry are closed.
{ 1 trackback }